Fatty McFatface, Your Hamburger With Everything Is Calling.

I woke up this morning in bad need of some coffee. After stuffing my face with a cream-filled donut, I looked at myself in the mirror & thought "Ok, fatty, you can stop now." I'm not always happy with the way I look. Being overweight is not what I ever imagined myself to be. And the funny thing is that most days when I look in the mirror, I don't see an overweight woman. I see me. A funny, sweet, loving person who gives her all to those she truly cares about. I am a mommy & that's where alot of my extras come from. If I hadn't have had my son, I would be thinner but not at the weight I'm supposedly suppose to be at.
I read somewhere that for my height, my ideal weight should be around 120. Ha! I haven't seen that since, Ohhh, I'd say 7th grade maybe. I was a comfortable 150 in high school but I didn't look 'fat'. Now, I'm topping the scales at 210 & even though I would love to look like I did in high school, I'm happy most days. I don't exercise like I should & I tend to eat too much popcorn. I have my weaknesses like everybody else. I am human.
I would love to weigh about 170 lbs. That is what I think looks good on my frame. Not too thin, not too heavy. Everybody carries their weight differently...I've just been blessed with some hips & muffin top. I think I'll go chew on a piece of celery now.

Time Heals All Wounds

I took a quiz on 'quiz monster/facebook' today & got the results that reminded me of the dream I wrote about not long ago. My 'movie romance' will end up like Ron & Hermione...friends forever turned into true love. The thing is, I don't have romantic feelings for any guy from my past that I'm close to now. One is getting married later this year & we tried the dating thing & it just wasn't for me. Another, is married. And the other, likes my sister but I've only been close to him for the past 4 years or so. Anyway, my point is: I can't predict my future. I don't even want to go there. Things will fall into place sooner or later.

I started thinking this week about the whole 'dating scene'. I don't know if I'm ready for it yet. I need to get in touch with my female friends. Connect with them before I even think about the male species. I need my girls to help build me up & remind me of who I am. One minute, I feel ready to hit the town & the next, I'm scared again. I guess the wounds heal at different rates.

I loved him. Very much. And he hurt me. The wounds he inflicted were deeper than any wound I'd ever felt before. And it's just scabbed over right now. It's getting better every day but every time I see him, it's like that scab is being picked on like a bad habit. I want to hate him but I can't. I thought I was dying when my ex-hubs left but this one is torture. My love for him was much more real & there was no ring involved. His loss,not mine is what I tell myself daily. It's true....but the pain is still there.

Re-reading what I've wrote makes me come to this conclusion: I'm not ready to date yet. I think it would be selfish of me to date someone right now due to the fact that I may compare them to him & they would get hurt in the process. I can't do that to anyone. Time heals all wounds.